How to know if you are a Christmas nerd
Confession alert! I am Sophie Marchant and I am a Christmas nerd. There I said it. It’s official. It’s out. I don’t have to be ashamed anymore. Just because I have nearly done all my Christmas shopping – which I will sheepishly admit began back in August – I don’t have to feel bad about it anymore. Just because I wrote my Christmas card list in September – I don’t feel the need to hide any longer. I am unashamedly, unabashedly, unequivocally a true Christmas nerd and if that means that I am going to get completely swept up in the next 33 days of festive season frivolity, then all I can say is – someone break out the eggnog and give me a damn candy cane.
If you haven’t noticed, it is getting to the merry end of the year. While for the rest of the year I can be found dragging my feet, looking at green and red objects with a kind of vague disinterest and thinking that reindeers are just horses that live in cold-weather climates and wear fascinators – when it comes to this time of year it seems I am back to my old self again. There’s a purpose. A goal. A lot of shopping. And a hell of a lot of merrymaking to be had. I’m labelling it Festive Season Distraction Disorder. And I’ve got it in spades.
How do you know if you are a Christmas nerd like me? Well, you probably know deep down already if you are a little overenthusiastic about the festive season, and perhaps some people who are not as excited as you have had to pull you into line for your merry outbursts in the past, but if you are still unsure, here is the definitive, knock-‘em-on-the-head guide to whether or not you are a fully-fledged Christmas nerd:
- You already have an advent calendar ready and waiting for December 1 (in fact, you have had a secret one going for the entire year and now you get to pull out the real one. Audible sigh of relief.)
- You know exactly how many hours it is until Christmas (possibly seconds if you are super keen)
- You know all the reindeers (in order of appearance too, for extra Christmas nerdy points)
- You have a collection of novelty Christmas earrings which you rotate each day of the 12 days of Christmas
- You wish your true love would stop giving you three French Hens every year, you have nowhere to put them anymore and you now need to look into purchasing a ‘game-keeping’ license
- You dream about tinsel and Christmas light configurations
- You have an enviable wreath collection
- Your Christmas day routine is a finely tweaked, excel-spreadsheeted operation involving months of preparation and the results are a display of army-like precision to behold with jawdropping wonder
- You have already done 99.9% of your Christmas shopping and it’s only October
Now the fact that you are a Christmas nerd should not be looked down upon – there is absolutely nothing wrong with embracing this time of year with passion and excitement – if not you, who is going to spread the Christmas cheer around like a bout of Justin Beiber hysteria in a teenage crowd? If not you, who is going to baste that turkey with such gusto? If not you, who is going to give cheery smiles of goodwill to passersby who are looking a bit early-August? While some people are perhaps a little embarrassed about hurling themselves into the metaphorical Christmas punch with such zeal – never fear. There are a whole host of us hiding out somewhere, secretly (or very obviously) wishing Christmassy goodness upon all our friends and family.
And I am one of them.
Luckily, they have let me loose on the internet for the next couple of weeks as the Telstra Exchange Christmas blogger. I am thoroughly looking forward to spreading the cheer this Christmas and I hope you will join me as we countdown the impending festive season with unprecedented fervour.
Tell us, what’s the nerdiest thing you have done at Christmas? Go on, you know you want to. Write to us anonymously if you’re too scared to put your name to it.