Kids Rules For facebook – According to Me
Filed under: children, cyber safety, Facebook, parenting, Privacy, social media
So I relented.
That’s right, I’m the worst parent in the world (or the best, depending on your point of view). I allowed my children to get facebook accounts.
I know, there will be crazy people trolling their page, getting their pictures and generally being nasty. But the kids had to promise to follow some rules, and they are set out below, just in case you want to consider them for your kids.
Kids Rules For facebook – According to Me
- No identifying information at all! They are forbidden from posting their address, their school, their age or any other personal information ever. Facebook’s privacy settings have to be set to maximum, and checked regularly. And there is also a new setting to prevent their name or avatar being used in ads.
- No photos. (“What?! C’mon Dad! Everyone puts up photos. And what if friends put up photos of me? You’re not the boss of them, you know.”) OK. I relented on this one. But no real names!
- I get to be a friend. No objections. Now this one is important, because then you can see what all their friends put up on their walls.
- You, the parent, are never to post anything on the kids wall. And to be safe, should not post anything at all from yourself. If you want to have your own facebook experience, set up another account. But if you post something, then the kids will see it, and they’ll remember that you can see them, and then your anonymity born of forgetfulness, has been blown.
- I get to be the account email address. This is a big one, because then they can’t change their account details, passwords etc, without me knowing.
- They have to sit through a major lecture about the Permanence Of The Internet, and the Fragility Of Reputation.
- Seriously. Their online reputation will be crucial when going for a job, or making contacts, or even getting credit. In fact there is a whole new business opening up in facebook content awareness. Check out Reppler which helps you check your own facebook page and determines how others might perceive you. Or read the article on ZDnet.
- I get Take Down rights. Not that it matters all that much, since they were given the “Permanence of the Internet” lecture, their response was “What is the point of taking something down, if it lasts forever anyway?” Hmm… Must come up with a good answer to that. Or, swap Rules 5 and 6.
- Don’t join any groups, or clubs, or teams, or “Like” any stupid phrases – like “If you love chocolate, Like this!” Or “If you hate homework, Like this”. There are people out there who are accumulating lists of users for… who knows what.
- Don’t be mean! I mean it! Computers have inserted a kind of “Separation from Consequences”. Typing a message or a comment into a computer, in the safety of your room, is a bit like launching a missile from a control room. Being mean to someone’s face means that you have to witness the damage that you have caused. You have real pain in front of you. With the net, you don’t see the immediate consequences of your actions. And you never quite know how the other person will read your comments. The tone of voice that they read a post may not be the tone that you typed with. So make sure that everything is as you intend. Not an easy thing. Luckily, there are smiley faces to remove ambiguity.
- Know what the Acronym actually stands for before you use it. We all remember the poor schmuck who heard that his friend’s mother had passed away and he sent then the message: “So sorry to hear of your mothers death. LOL”, thinking that LOL meant Lots Of Love.
- Don’t answer or post anyone’s questions of a personal nature. This happened to a friend’s daughter the other day. The girl was sent the equivalent of a chain letter. “Put this as your status to see who is your real friend!” And this is what they were told to post: “Who is your real friend? Post this as your Status and if they know all the answers, then they are your real friend: What is Your real name? Favourite colour? Shoe size? Postcode? Fathers name? Mothers name? Mothers name before she got married? Phone type? Pet’s name? Brother and/or sisters name? Your birthday? Your school? Your college? …” and it went on. Of course, the little girl that posted this was inundated with posts from her friends all filling in the blanks and proving that they are her best friend. And unwittingly providing all of the personal information that is commonly used to confirm identity or even generate passwords. This is a particularly insidious example of information phishing on the unwary, vulnerable and innocent.
So be aware. These simple things can undo us. But with some good sense and a little parental control, Social Media and Networking can be an empowering and useful tool.
But nothing beats getting together with friends in person.
What do you think? Do you let your kids complete freedom online?
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The personal views expressed in this blog are those of its author, Marque Owen and not Telstra.
Personally, I disagree.
I dont have a facebook account, and I think its a waste of time.
Neither of my kids will be getting one any time soon either.
Problem solved.
We managed to survive without facebook when we were kids and turned out alright, so I dont see what the big deal is.
I’d rather my kids grew up in the fresh air, and actually MET the other kids, instead of living their lives like spaced out zombies living in some dream world, and getting all surly because they havent developed communication skills with human beings.
Rob,
Whether or not you accept it, Facebook and the Internet has become a major part of society.
Try as you must, but kids will grow up in schools that have them sitting on computers almost every day. I think the challenge is finding the medium ground between being letting them interact with technology, and having them breathe that fresh air.
Now that is too over the top. Fair enough if you want to protect your children from the dangers of the internet but you have taken it way to far !
You don’t say how old your kids are. Rules like yours are in great danger of perpetuating immature behaviour, rather than the reverse, such as teaching them to jump at shadows, or the rubber band effect when the rules inevitably must disappear. What rules will you enforce when they are 16, 18, 21, 25?
My kids have facebook accounts with only two rules: I have to be a friend, which means I can monitor what they post (but mostly just to enjoy sharing the online experience with them), and they must set their Facebook security to only publish to their friends, not friends of friends. There has been only one instance that I can recall in five years where I’ve discussed inappropriate behaviour with one of them.
i love it! copying and pasting this for me to use on my nephews, nieces and possibly girlfriend in the future :p just kidding about the girlfriend part, but yeah i think they are fair rules which will keep the young ones under control and educated
When I was a kid, we had the internet, but back then the parents had no idea what the internet really was, it was a computer and was posting on BBS, playing duke3d and quake on Telstra’s wireplay service.
It allowed me to come home from school and still play games with my friends, and you know what if it was for the people I met online through my years of online participation, I wouldn’t be in the career I am now, and when my parents did start learning about the internet and started trying to shut it down I was 21, so what did I do, I moved out. It’s a rift that still hasn’t been fully repaired 8 years down the track.
Hi Rob. Saying “no” is one way to go, and I did just that for a long time. But sooner or later they are going to do it, so it’s better to lay down some ground rules.
Ashley – I hope you’re saying Rob is over the top, not me
Paul – Your rules sound awfully like mine. Just a matter of degree. And when the kids have a degree, they can make their own rules!
I don’t think it will work.
If your kids aren’t old enough to understand the dangers of Facebook for themselves, no amount of rules are going to save them.
No mention of their ages, Marque, (which is consistent with your rules), and nobody else has mentioned it yet, but hopefully all are aware that Facebook’s terms prohibit its use by anyone under 13 years old.
the rules are good, especially the one regarding not being mean – if these rules are followed they will hopefully spill over into other areas of the kids’ lives – be careful what info you give to others, be careful of your reputation, treat other people decently, & guess what else – we all have to follow rules and we all have some one in authority over us, even David Thodey has to answer to some one!
Well done Marque,
I liked your article ….I was a friend to my daughter for a while but she eventually figured out how to block me as a friend! I must have criticised her posts too much. But she was almost an adult at that point. But I’m hoping she took my criticisms on board anyway.
Facebook is pervasive and there really is not much escape from it, teens just live for it. We can only try to retain as much control as we can – as parents. For younger teens this is very important as we just want to help them avoid online bullying, invasions of their privacy and being taken advantage of.
Hi there, yes it’s the day and age of virtual everything isn’t it! and as a parent we always have the argument in our own heads about whether or not to allow our kids to do this and that. My oldest son is nearly 12, yes he has a facebook account and has for 12 months, I monitor it, his dad also. I know all his log in details, all his friends, everything! He never lies or hides anything as we had a long discussion about the rules and boundaries.
Also to be honest kids are better with computers these days so we have to speak about things.
I’ve gone and deleted some of his friends when I have deemed the comments etc not acceptable, he’s fine with it.
I guess if the conversation and diligence is there then we miniise the risks…
Guys,
I should probably mention, my kids are 5 and 2.
At this stage of their development, they have far more important skills to learn.
As for when they’re older, of course, we cant wrap them in cotton wool forever, and nor would I want to. But in saying that, are social networking sites ubiquitous? Probably.
Does that, in and of itself, mean we must all rush headlong into them, giving them our personal data, with them not being government bodies but rather “for profit” organisations? I’m not convinced.
Personally, I’ve managed to survive this long without them (barring an account on LinkedIn which is for professional and busienss development reasons only). I dont see the “need.” If others choose to get involved, more power to them.
But when theres a security scare, and perhaps some identity theft, or some kids get into trouble due to stalkers, paedophiles, or a house party gets crashed resulting in tens of thousands of dollars damage, then maybe people will stop and wonder if it was all worth it. Particularly when we still hjave the old fashioned way of communicating; ie, lets TALK to each other.
Hi Marque, well done. A great set of considerations to be used along with parental judgement for when your kids hit *that* age. At least until they stand on their own two feet, anyway, hopefully having absorbed some of the common sense you mention.
By the way, our children’s school has a monitored and closed in-house version of social networking/email (back to the origins of facebook in some ways) for the really young that also teaches responsiblity and seeks to avoid bullying.
Regards,
Jim
I have printed these and will be taking them home to the two 13 year girls who are absorbded by facebook. Wish me luck making some of these changes retrospectively.
The answer to question six is that while comments may float around in cyperspace forever once taken down they are invisible to the majority of people viewing facebook. On several occasions I have asked my children to do just that if they have broken rule 8 or used less than savory language.
Alan
Great comments, everyone.
I would just say that there comes a time when being social is a part of the kids lives. Coming home from school and continuing the conversation has morphed from back-yards, to telephones, to SMS, to the interweb. They will talk. They will socialise. Everyone is doing it, and you can cause different problems by totally banning it.
Just saying that this, like everything else, needs to be understood both from a benefit and a danger point of view.
Until they are responsible enough to “get” the ramifications of the exposure through sites like facebook, I will treat it like I treat all dangers including crossing the road, talking to strangers, fireworks, running with scissors and strange dogs.
There are rules. And kids like rules… right?
I like your “rules”. In particular I think it’s important for the kids to understand the importance of respecting their “friends” online and not be mean. Also to provide them with the guideance to protect their reputation. Spot on!
Whats to stop them from creating another account that you dont know about? also, im pretty sure that kids arent allowed to join facebook anyways.
Yeah i was about to say that one, if i were a kid and i was one not all that long ago. that is exactly what i would have done, have two accounts one with my actual name on it with which i am friends with family and set up another alias that only my friends now about to keep stuff away from my parents! Kids will always find a way around things and we can only protect them so much from the online world.
I agree with Rob Maietta, keep your personal life personal, everyone doesent have to know everything about you
I agree.
Good advise.
For some of those other points that conflict (5 and 6), take the tougher stance. They will thank you for it once they grow up and realise their friends have been scammed by nigerians, etc…
Of if they still refuse to agree – disallow facebook accounts. – problem solved.
I only got a facebook acct two weeks ago, and onoly because I have family allover australia and never know whats going on with them – they dont like emails (whats not to like, the security? the “not-showing-everyone-what-you-do”?)
My daughter (now 9) wanted a Facebook account last year. I set it up to be non-searchable, only added her cousins and family members and she spent most of her time playing Farmville and posting on my wall when I was at work and she was at home on holidays. 6 months later she said to me “Mummy, you can cancel my Facebook account because I’m too busy in real life to use it”
I had similar (but stricter rules in some areas) to Marque and she was fine with it,
I think what Rob is missing the point on is that if you treat kids like you’re their parents and not their best friends, you can keep them safe.
My 2 denarii anyway
Hi Marque
Great article. It’s both kids and adults alike who have to be careful of what they publish on facebook.
It surprises me what people of all ages write and post. For example, I wouldn’t be advertising that I was going to be away on holidays, or the status of day I had.
I think it was a good idea to be flexible enough to relax with the photos. The rule I always use is no matter what don’t put up any photo’s that may cause embarrassment to anyone. Anything unflattering, regardless to if it is a joke or not, is out.
The rule I would also focus on, and it’s a big one, that nobody, kids or adults, stay logged on. Don’t use the ‘Keep me logged in’ function. With the large number of devices that you can access facebook on, it is extremely easy for someone else to pose as you and write something inappropriate. Think about how many times you may hand your mobile phone off to someone, or let it rest on a bench.
It is important to teach kids, let it be your yours or in my case Nieces and Nephews what is good and bad behaviour. After all, isn’t it easier to teach them when they are young, and not wait until they are teenage / young adults? It’s a skill that we all need in society.
Also telling kids that they can’t have a facebook account isn’t necessarily going to work either. You will not be with them 100% time, and let’s face it, computers and mobiles are everywhere.
For many of us, regardless of our age, it’s just another way to communicate, and not an addiction.
FB by default hooks up on a non secure connection. To check yours, log into FB & check the start of the URL. If it begins with http://... the connection is unsecure. For better security you need to go into your settings on your homepage & drill down through ACCOUNT\ACCOUNT SETTINGS\ACCOUNT SECURITY & tick the box to enable secure browsing. Your URL will then begin with https://... indicating a secure connection. Give it a go.