Well, I never thought I would have to admit to doing this, but I suppose it’s not the worst thing in the world, really. And I have been threatening to do it for a while….which I suppose makes it kind of expected. And although some of you may have thought, ‘oh no, no , no, Sophie won’t stoop to that kind of low,’ well, I kind of have to confess that I have gone and done it this time: I have bought reindeer antlers for my dogs. Two pairs. I know, I know, I know – buying novelty items for pets is the kind of activity that sits alongside wearing an ‘I’m with stupid’ t-shirt’, or admitting to knowing the Macarena dance or secretly enjoying Yahtzee, but I’m ok with that. My therapist is ok with that too. It’s all fine.

And it does get worse (or better, depending on your leanings): these aren’t just your average pair of fake felt bony appendages – they play Jingle Bells as well. I know. I can feel the festive envy from here. Visually enticing and aurally stimulating? It’s such an overwhelming combo, I know. Deep breaths.

Anyway, so I bought them home for Klaus and Fritz, my two sausage dogs, stupidly expecting them to be as excited as I was about them, but unfortunately they were only excited that I was home and they could finally get their dinner after waiting an entire 8 hours or so to get it. After they had wolfed down their meal, I thought to myself, this is the perfect moment to try my luck with the antlers: highly-strung dachshund nerves had been calmed with a bowl of food, and now that their bellies were full, they would no doubt want to settle down on the couch for a post-wolfing snooze. It was the perfect moment for placing antlers on their heads and taking photos of them in some kind of maniacal but highly artistic manner. Little did poor Klaus and Fritz know what kind of reputation downgrade this innocent lapse in personal security might prompt.

I felt mean, as if I was exploiting my own dogs purely for the selfish purposes of wanting to get a photo of them looking cute and festive. It was an innocent desire, but how would they cope with this latest betrayal of trust? I know I had betrayed them before by pretending to throw a ball and making them run for it – keeping it in my hand and then presenting it to them as if they had just mistakenly thought I had thrown it – but this was different, this was serious. I am not sure this would be forgotten as easily as the old ‘I didn’t throw the ball’ trick – though admittedly, there had been a range of highly serendipitous moments in the dogs’ lives as well, such as the day we threw sausages into a below-ground courtyard to elicit a kind of ‘meat product rain event’ as a reward for remaining there so quietly while a 3-year-old’s party was going on – which would no doubt counteract and in fact cancel out any kind of feelings of betrayal the dogs may have felt in the past).

So while Klaus and Fritz innocently jumped up on the couch, for a normal afternoon snooze like they did on any other Wednesday afternoon, I preceeded to warm up the Telstra T-Touch tab camera (which wasn’t really a warming up truth be told, but more the mere push of two buttons). As their eyelids drooped, and the initial excitement of me returning home faded to a few soft, sleepy breezes billowing through the door, the comforting hubbub of the television in the background and my soft steps padding around the house, I waited a couple of moments and then approached them quietly with the antlers.

Obviously, they were highly attuned to my whereabouts (me having attained enviable alpha dog status in the house simply by being the constant food provider) and as soon as I came within one foot of the pair of them, one eye each flipped open as if to say ‘I know exactly what you’re up to, Sophie’. Nevertheless, I knew they were in a sleepy, dozy half-conscious kind of daze, so I took my chances.

Fritz didn’t like the whole idea, which was surprising because he loves it when it’s winter and he gets to wear a jumper. But Klaus loved it (well, that’s what I’m saying – his words would most likely be along the lines of ‘I tolerated it simply because it was Sophie. Anyone else and I would have bitten off their mistletoe’)

Tell us, have you ever bought novelty items for your pets? How do they react?