Where does privacy live?
Filed under: lifestyle, mobile handsets, mobile internet, mobile phone, smart phone, social trends, trends
I don’t know about you but I’ve spent the better part of my life trying to remove junk conversation, negative self talk and dramatic friendships from my life.
When the person three seats back on the tram feels the need to expose their life story from DNA until now, I send them mental messages ranging from:”Tell it to someone who cares” to “Tell it in private. Please, please spare us all.” I often wish my head phones hadn’t broken their connection in one ear.
Some people seem to treat the tram as a public theatre and they feel entitled to play the lead for us all. Public transport vehicles have a hundred ears to protect and some toxic conversations damage our mental health. I’ve never understood why some people have such a strong need to be in conversation and constantly talking or texting with whoever will listen. I prefer to relax and spend a quiet moments in metro meditation.
This got me thinking: Has our ability to contact and be contactable made it impossible to find private spaces in our lives? What is correct mobile phone etiquette?
It’s possible that my judgment and expectation is unreasonable and I acknowledge that my need for privacy in a public space says volumes about me. However the drivers behind the need to be always contactable and the public airing of conversations prompted me to look for some answers, and I’ve discovered some enlightening research:
- Mobile usage predicts personality
- Why are cell phones so annoying?
- Texting for confidence
- Mobile phone use linked to anxiety
- Loud cell phone talking syndrome
And for a bit of a laugh, do a Google search and check out any of the Chaser’s ‘Clive the Slightly Too Loud Commuter’ episodes.
Ironically, I’d like to talk to you about this with you in this public forum. Where does privacy exist for you and why do you think we like to be so contactable?
Great Blog Brendan, there is nothing worse when we are captive audience and do not want to be on public transport
I feel that we live in a society that is abit too loud. i am guilty of that. privacy went out the window when we didnt stand up to big brother who used security as an excuse to spy on us. Regardless, you can always tell a loud person to whisper because you have a “migraine”. as far as communication devices go, i have it for MY convenience. not for others to annoy me. i will return any form of communicaton from another party at a time that is convenient to ME. just because it’s email doesnt mean i will reply straight away. in fact, when i had my own business i would respond to emails and calls TWICe a day. 11am and 3pm. all hell can break loose. i don’t care. i don’t live to work. i work to live and nothing, not even a trillions of dollars (being wasted on war and financial markets) can buy back my lost time.
For me, since getting a Jeep Wrangler, I have always found a way to “get over it”, no matter what “it” was.
My Jeep also helps me get away from “it”, “it” being mobile coverage. That’s where my privacy is – away from coverage deep in the bush.
Brendan
Reckon you should stay at home mate. It’s the 21st Century this is how it works now.
I can buy you noise-isolating headphones if you absolutely need to go out, perhaps?
Agree wholeheartedly. There’s nothing worse than hearing someone answer a call on public transport, and the first thing they say is “I’m on the tram/train/bus” Is the fact that you’re on your way home or on the way to work really so important? In a previous job I was expected to be available 24×7 – I got a call very early one morning about a missing shipment, so duly escalated via the Distribution Mgr – but then I was inundated with non-stop calls (3 came in while I was shaving!) until I’d had enough and just stopped answering until there was something to actually advise. I got a chip from my boss for it, until I explained that calling me every 3mins wasn’t going to help find the shipment in a distribution chain spanning the entire country! I know our society is becoming “instant everything” and I do enjoy being connected – but on my own terms! I find solace in riding my motorcycle – and I will refuse to get a bluetooth mic and earphone fitted to my helmet. That’s MY time to chill, enjoy the ride and the views. When I stop, I’ll check then (sometimes)…
Swimming and cycling work well too!
This article has an air of Sex and The City (which I’m not fond of, and have to hear because my wife watches it).
The irony is, that while I agree with the thrust of the article, the fact that you’re WRITING about noise, is noise itself.
I dont want to hear everyone elses conversations, and I dont want to read about how someone else was hearing other peoples conversations either.
How about some positive articles?
I think the behaviour of the individual with or without a mobile plays a large role here; a loudmouth is a loudmouth no matter what technology is invovled.
I experienced one such person this morning – who insisted on speaking in a loud booming voice a number of embarrasing medical conditions.
By the time he was done I had used my bannana to make ruidementary earplugs and was huddled in the foetal position rocking back and forth under my seat.
mate …. “The tram IS a theatre” …
… Life is a theatre. And you one of the main characters …
As a customer engagement manager, I thought you’d know this. Why not show them your Next G phone, where they can make NEW friends .. ha ha.
Dis-engaging from the 50 people who you may be sharing body-warmth may be a helpful skill, but life’s characters bust into our world .. with their joys & probs.. & remind us that we are alive & on the stage. If you want peace, buy a kayak!
I have to agree with franksting, I don’t think our “ability to contact and be contactable made it impossible to find private spaces in our lives” at all. If you are looking for a private space the tram is possibly NOT the best place to be looking.
While some people have terrible mobile phone and other ettiquette in public, this is just part of the big melting pot of society we live in. Sure we can all be more considerate all the time but who is perfect?
I love using my phone to connect with family and friends all over the world by voice and text. Sometimes its most convenient to call or be called at night, in the morning, afternoon, or heaven forbid…….on the bus. I love feeling connected and I wouldnt exactly call myself an extrovert so I guess that means I just have low self esteem?!?
I am all for removing toxic, rubbish and negative content from my life too but am guilty of watching the news or reading the paper from time to time too. Surely it is hyporcitical to then expect every person crammed into public transport to only speak in pure conversation?
I reccomend you buy some new earphones, get away to the bush, buy a motor bike, swim or cycle for your meditation, a cramped tram isn’t going to cut it when trying to get to a theta state.
Rob, luckily you have a choice in what you read, and can also stop reading a body of text as soon as you have decided it is not of interest to you.
Nobody else can decide for you what your reading interests are at any particular point in time, and a blog is not a tailored information service for the reader.
By the way, I’m not challenging your ‘right’ to make known your displeasure, just as I’m all for telling a loudmouth – mirroring his tone and volume – that his behaviour on the phone in a confined public space is disruptive and rude, right before I reach for my earbuds and ignore his subsequent output.
Your blog is a good start, but stops short.
What about the annoying guys in the lift who conduct loud conversations about what exciting things they did on the weekend – painfully reminding you that your weekend consisted of endless scrabble games with your mother?
Or how about the annoying clowns at work who have tele conferences on speaker phones so loud that pedestrians outside the building find blood pouring out of their ears?
These annoyances have to be put up. At least you could have taken the mobile from your loudmouth and placed it in his mouth, thus ending the problem.
Alex – you need to watch Monty Python re-runs until you learn how to use your banana as a weapon and end your torment. At worst, your medical moaner will have a new condition to tell people.
Ciao
I have to say I am not a fan of people holding conversations of a private nature on mobile phones, I was a retail store not too long ago and a man was wandering around looking at the clothing with a conversation of a nature that suggested he was dating several women at one time. I got the feeling this guy was either out to big note himself due to low self esteem by talking about all the women who knew about eachother, or he simply had no moral code and felt talking on a mobile phone about his love life was something that was the norm. I am all for talking about love life, but such distaste was a clear sign that society had clearly been misled on the creation of such devices.
That being said, I have been out and taken a call of a nature where I would like to talk, and I suggest strongly that the old “phone booth” come back into fashion – sometimes we need to talk, but there is just no where we can take our conversations.
You don’t have to send them just mental messages to shut up – print out some of these great Shhh!-cards from Coudal Partners. Based on my experience, they are very effective.
http://www.coudal.com/shhh.php
@franksting I’m going to get a pair of noise-isolating headphones with my JB HIFI Voucher.
MK, Thanks for sharing.. These cards are fun. I’ve downloaded the PDF.
@rob Agreed, It’s all noise. Just depends on perception and how it personally translates.
I’m actually working on my next blog and it’s much more up beat and positive. All about using SMS and text messaging for the greater good. Stay tuned.
Once on a train trip on mobile as a joke…..I said to the caller why are you whispering? Your hiding in the wardrobe…. why? …. The husband has come home……….i said…. is that a dog barking in the background?…….the dogs found you and he is out side the wardrobe……and the husband is a member of the Hell’s angels gang…….ok ….which hospital shall I come and visit you! I had the train travellers in fits.
I’d been kicking around whether to bring this one up, but as nobody else has…
Why must people carry on mobile conversations whilst in the toilet? Does it not strike them as odd at what sounds the listener on the far end might pick up? Surely nobody is that important, that vital to the operation of the world that they can’t disconnect for five minutes while in the bathroom?
The only call they should be answering in there is the call of nature.
well Gwynn……it’s the right place to be on the mobile when your in a bad mood! lol
@Gil, and others. One thing that I find truely interesting, is the expectations people have in a public space.
When travelling in a tram / other public conveyance, then I’m afraid the rules are a little broader, and we must accept that a public space is not private, by definition.
Yes, there are rules here too. But, its the difference between private and public.
If one REALLY wants a controlled environment that is 100% tailored to your expectations, then they should travel in their own car. Your car, your rules.
Till then, we have people with many different sets of values, beliefs, and expectations. The really weird things is, with all this going on, how could we possibly expect people to be identical to us???
Brendan – your sentiments seem pretty common, but why does everybody care so much? It’s not your medical problem being advertised to strangers. No harm is being done to your privacy. There’s at least a possibility that your perception of other people’s lack of manners is what’s really causing you so much strife. Maybe take up meditation, or at least get yourself some new headphones.
Also, this is the colour in the city. Gotta agree with others, that if you’re looking for tranquility, the tram is probably not the place to be – but without a smattering of personalities, the city would be a pretty dull place.
It seems to me that we are debating personal boundaries. Mobile phones have confused boundaries, privacy and in many ways obstructed intimacy replacing it with an impulse to communicate immediately. I read the article about how hearing only oneside of a conversation requires more attention and is more difficult to zone out. If the research is true it explains why I find it very difficult to stop listening to a public phone conversation. What intrigues me is that no-one, including me, has ever tapped someone on the shoulder and politely said ” can you please talk quietly.” and well that is typical behaviour for humans, to get frustrated but do nothing.
I think its easy if we accept this is the way it is and it’s not going to change without a radical intervention.